Adventure Snack

Share this post

Night of the Living Sonic the Hedgehog Popsicle

adventuresnack.substack.com

Night of the Living Sonic the Hedgehog Popsicle

Welcome to Green HELL Zone!

Geoffrey Golden
Jul 24, 2020
12
Share this post

Night of the Living Sonic the Hedgehog Popsicle

adventuresnack.substack.com

Hear that ice cream truck jingle, adventurers? Does it entice you with the promise of sweet frozen mutilated facsimiles of your favorite cartoon characters? Give in to temptation. Stuff your face with cream-like substances and unchewable gumballs. Subscribe to have Adventure Snack delivered to your inbox. What decadence!

You are in a secret underground laboratory. You’re surrounded by bubbling test tubes, neon glowing petri dishes, and one of those glass orbs where you touch it and the electricity hits your finger. What are they called again? They used to sell them at Spencer’s Gifts? They have them in Animal Crossing? Anyway.

You are the Chief Mad Scientist at Foodenstein Laboratories in Western Cleveland. Deep in the churning bowels of science, you toil away at making barely edible food products at the lowest possible cost with the least nutritional value that gets the most buzz on social media. In the past, you contributed critical research to KFC’s Chicken Skin Trough, Taco Bell x 7-Eleven’s Slurpadilla Crunch, and Quaker’s Oops All Deep Fried Baby Ruths cereal.

Tonight, you are stirring a freezing, foggy vat of blue-and-white “cream” with a giant metal paddle. Bright red “gumballs” ominously bob at the surface. By adding just a few key ingredients, you will achieve the greatest scientific food breakthrough in modern history: a talking Sonic the Hedgehog ice cream popsicle. It will only be chemically alive for 20 seconds after you unwrap it. Sonic will say, “Gotta go fast! Sonic the Hedgehog the movie is only on Blu-Ray for a limited time,” then the popsicle will die and can be eaten as normal. Theoretically!

The vat is bubbling over with cream. You take out a wooden popsicle stick from your lab coat. It’s covered in a thin layer of volatile, experimental slime. Your moment of truth has arrived…

What would you like to do?

To dip the wooden stick into the vat of blue cream, pick the choice that begins with the chemical symbol for Tungsten:

  • Tubular!

  • Ta-Da!

  • Whoa!

  • If you look up the answer on Google or Wikipedia, click here instead.

If you have a change of heart about playing God, click here.

BONUS: Click the small heart button near the top of the email. After you do, click here for the chemical symbol for Tungsten. And thanks for helping us find new players!

Mentions & Minotaurs

Shoutout to the players who shared their Flashing Red endings, like @ProfessMaloney, @HenryBarajas, and the ever observant @TankertonLatch!

Flashing Red Micro Post-Mortem: I had fun stretching my legs with an action-packed two-parter. There are things I would do differently for two-parters in the future. Here’s a big one: the first Flashing Red ends with three paths, so the second part opens on a long list of choices that I bet looked overwhelming to players who hadn’t read the first part yet. This is why Adventure Snack is still in beta. I’m experimenting with the format and figuring out what works. To that end, feel free to reply with your feedback on all things Adventure Snack. I love hearing from players!

My mentions blew up recently when I tweeted this…

Twitter avatar for @geoffreygolden
Geoffrey Golden @geoffreygolden
Thank you for asking me about my pitch for the Night Court video game.
6:17 AM ∙ Jul 16, 2020
796Likes76Retweets

You can read the full thread for more details. Night Court: Go Judge Yourself would allow you to wear the robes in Harry’s courtroom. Decide who goes to jail and who gets clowned on, all while causing zany chaos! There were many feature suggestions.

Twitter avatar for @MexIbuprofen
Mexican “🇲🇽💊” Ibuprofen @MexIbuprofen
@geoffreygolden @PFTompkins May I suggest that making the motion with a Wii controller or iPhone bang the gavel, for when two rival hot dog cart operators get into an argument about who controls their corner?
7:27 AM ∙ Jul 16, 2020
Twitter avatar for @SuperAngryAtty
Super Angry Attorney @SuperAngryAtty
@geoffreygolden @PFTompkins Please don’t forget the Florence and Selma angel guides for when you are having trouble with a particularly difficult battle.
6:53 AM ∙ Jul 16, 2020
Twitter avatar for @deadisdead
Patrick Quinby @deadisdead
@geoffreygolden @PFTompkins When you beat the game you unlock Art
Image
11:07 AM ∙ Jul 16, 2020

Clearly, there’s a lot of pent-up demand for a Night Court video game. Maybe I should write a Night Court Adventure Snack as a tech demo…?

Share this post

Night of the Living Sonic the Hedgehog Popsicle

adventuresnack.substack.com
TopNewCommunity

No posts

Ready for more?

© 2023 The Devastator
Privacy ∙ Terms ∙ Collection notice
Start WritingGet the app
Substack is the home for great writing