Win the Wiseass Archery Competition

A game of trick shots and royal snots.

YOU’RE ON-TARGET, ADVENTURER!

Today’s snack was inspired by Robin Hood, the legendary sexy cartoon fox. If there’s one thing we could use more of today, it’s stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, as a social movement. The media would give it a name like “swindle culture” and the public would be subjected to endless of think pieces and angry tweets about it, but at least a lot of poor people would get richer! So, a good trade-off.

Would you steal from a super rich person? If so, what would you buy? Reply with your Blank Check scenario. 💰

You are a roguish archer who lives in the forest. Normally you spend your days partying in the woods with your dudes and committing armed robbery, also with your dudes. But today you’re in the final round of King Dankmore's "Royal Tournament of Archery Wiseasses," where archery jerks from across the kingdom compete by doing tricks to piss off their opponents, all for a prize of one hundred gold coins. Cha-ching!

You are locked in a heated battle with the king's second most tolerated nephew, Lord Brandon Pimpledump. His hair is long, his nose is pointed, and his teeth are unspeakable. Pimpledump pulls back the string on his bow, aims carefully, and releases. His arrow speeds through the air so fast, your little felt hat spins on your head. The arrow hits a wooden target a few feet away, in the yellow center.

"Those gold coins are as good as mine," Lord Pimpledump smirks. "How unfortunate, since you clearly need to purchase yourself a sturdier hat."

The crowd titters at you. Wow, what a wiseass! You shake it off and concentrate on the target ahead. You raise your bow and pull back the string, ready to let loose with a hot one...

See how your arrow fares. Find a piece of scrap paper or junk mail. Crumple it up into a ball. Then try tossing it into a trash can at least 6 feet away. Repeat until you sink it in.

How many tries did it take to get the ball in?

Bonus: If you own a copy of my new D&D archery adventure Target Run, or get one today, subtract a try from your total. ("Gave Up!" becomes "4 or More Tries.") And thank you for supporting my writing!

TARGET RUN HITS A BULLSEYE

Target Run debuted as the #1 Hottest Community Comedy on DMs Guild! How cool is that? I’m humbled. Humbled, I say! Now the official Adventure Snack D&D game is only a handful of sales shy of earning a coveted bronze medal. There’s a free preview on the site, and this link will save you 10% off until Saturday. If you haven’t yet, I’d love for you to pick up a copy.

ICYMI: Target Run is a sports comedy adventure I designed, inspired by Caddyshack, The Mighty Ducks, and Space Jam. Not Space Jam 2, though. Don’t worry, there are no unacceptable allusions to droogs and no wasting of Don Cheadle’s time or talent. Instead, Target Run is a fun story about a young dwarf trying to break the elf ceiling at a treetop country club, in order to play the famous team archery sport Alligan. Enjoy the spa’s luxurious amenities and/or ignite total chaos and burn it to the ground. You decide!

I'm Ready for Target Run!

FIRST TIME HERE?

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