Thanks to all the players who participated in the first ever Adventure Snack Choose-A-Thon!
Together we raised $300 for Black Lives Matter (https://imgur.com/oFfzNbM) and visited the lost city of Squirrelopolis. You can read the entire story by starting at the bottom of the page and scrolling up.
If you have any thoughts on how today's game went, let me know right here. I'm tired but also WIRED!
It’s been a strange day, full of emotions. What began as a quest to ditch your wizard job and spy on nude gelatinous cubes at the hot springs turned into a day of squirrel companionship, frog combat, frog ecstasy, and squirrel terrorizing. The pace is fast here in The Big Tree. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.
You run to Chestnut Park in the middle of Squirrelopolis and shout at the top of your lungs, “I love this town!”
Everybody is too busy to notice or care. They ignore you, except for one squirrel who mutters “tourist” under her breath. Unbelievable. You consider turning back into an owl to eat them all.
"So... I terrorized the wrong squirrels... Huh... That's pretty chill of me... Uhhh...," you continue to stammer. In all your life as a wizard, you've never gotten this many dirty looks from squirrels. Though your wedding anniversary would be a close second.
With a few magic wing flaps, you create a thick and convenient fog for yourself. In the fog, you land on the ground and quietly transform yourself into a squirrel. The fog lifts and the squirrels are relieved the owl is gone. They go back to their ordinary lives. The teen squirrels convince themselves it was their nut throwing that saved the day.
Squirrelopolis is a vast epicenter of culture and nuts. Twinkling lights, adorable little homes, and a shop that sells quirky knick-knacks run by two retired squirrels. This is their second act.
Where would you like to go?
A: Check out the knick-knack shop for some knicks and knacks.
B: See if you can find the legendary room made of almonds.
C: Go to the middle of the city and scream, "I love this town!"
Now that you've scared the little bastards sufficiently, you fly to the middle of the tiny tree city and let your concerns be known.
"Here me, Squirrelopolis! Tremble as I screech! From this day forward, you shall not steal food from any human hippogriff feeders. Especially the one at Castle Moredank. The wizard who lives there is super chill and just wants to watch winged horse-birds flutter about the courtyard. Also, hippogriff food is poison to squirrels. Don't do it! Or else! Scraaaaaw–"
"These squirrels never leave the tree," your hard-featured squirrel pal yells from below. "You're scaring and lecturing the wrong squirrels!"
"Uhh...," you stammer in mid-air.
What would you like to do?
A: Leave ashamed through a hole at the top of the tree city.
B: Transform into a squirrel and attempt to casually blend in.
C: Continue ranting about squirrels. There's other stuff you don't like about them, too!
You didn't come to Squirrelopolis to make friends. Or peacefully write down notes about their lost civilization in a journal. Or all that crazy frog stuff from earlier. You're here to frighten these furry tailed rats, because they keep stealing seed out of your hippogriff feeder! Time to send a message.
With a puff and a blast and a KAZAP, you transform into an owl with a long beak and sharp talons! You glide into the city and squawk like a madbird. Squirrels run into their tree knot apartments and lock the doors. Mother squirrels on the tree streets cradle their crying squirrel children in their tails. A few squirrel teens in the alley behind a squirrel convenience store start tossing nuts in your direction.
What would you like to do?
A: Warn the squirrels to stop eating your damn hippogriff feed.
B: Eat a squirrel teen.
C: Transform back into a human and say this was all a prank.
You stare intently as the frog ecstasy escalates. It's a mesmerizing scene. Nervous and impatient, your conventionally unattractive squirrel companion asks if you still want to go to Squirrelopolis. His reminder snaps you out of your momentary stupor. The two of you carefully walk around the passionate frogs. Their moans and slurps echo behind you, as you make your way through the tree tunnel.
The cold, dark tunnel twists and turns. You walk for many hours inside the giant tree. Finally, there are flashing lights up ahead. Squirrelopolis is at hand!
"Before we go in there," the squirrel warns, "You should probably use your powers to transform into a squirrel. Though we act tough, we're generally pretty skittish around humans. Even in your tiny form, you might freak some squirrels out."
What would you like to do?
A: Stay a human. They can handle your true form.
B: Transform into a squirrel. Blend in with the locals.
You can insult these frog gangsters or blow them up all day long. In fact, you have spent entire days doing both those things to frogs. But what the world needs now is love. Sweet frog love. So you toss a powerful frog aphrodisiac powder into the air. The tree frogs try to resist the magic at first, but deep down, they've wanted to make out with on another for years. Now is their chance to end their war against the squirrels... and give into lust.
The 20 or so tree frogs pair off and gently, though feverishly kiss. The frogs' long, slimy squirrel poison tongues twist and intertwine. They stroke each other's red eyeballs with their suction cup hands. It doesn't feel as good as the kissing. In fact, it stings a lot! But you know. They're inexperienced. Learning. Longing. Exploring their viscous bodies.
What would you like to do?
A: Silently observe. See where this is going.
B: Carefully walk around the kissing frogs and visit Squirrelopolis.
Time to finish off the tree frog leader with an even more devastating insult. You create a dais out of thin air, then grab a few index cards from your pocket. As you strut to the dais, you talk into your wizard staff as if were a microphone, even though microphones don't exist in this medieval fantasy world.
"How're my frogs doing tonight?" you ask to frog applause and laughter. The crowd is eating this up. "How's our bunny doing? The little bunny baby? Haha, you're a good sport, Leader Frog. You know earlier, when you were all trying to tongue me to death with squirrel poison? Well, I didn't want to say anything, but somebody's tongue didn't even have poison in it. No poison whatsoever. And his name rhymes with... Weiner Flog."
The frog crowd is silent and confused.
"It's Leader Frog."
The tree frogs all break out into frantic, thunderous cheering. In the corner, Leader Frog has literally melted to the floor due to these sick burns. He taps the ground with his suction pad hands in defeat. He can't stand it anymore.
What would you like to do?
A: Tell the frogs to leave Squirrelopolis, so you can finally see it with thine own eyes.
What burns worse than a fireball? Trash talk. Also, a fire blast could set the whole tree on fire, and that'd be a bummer for everyone. So you choose to challenge your opponent mentally. As a wizard who specializes in animal handling, you're well-versed in frog psychology. They are notoriously thick skinned and highly self-confident. You'll have to chip away at his psyche slowly over time with subtle disarming jabs...
Or use the one insult that always works.
"This asshole hops like a bunny," you tease. Every frog breaks out in hysterics and the frog leader is instantly humiliated. He cries like a baby bunny when the grass is too tough under their little baby tootsies.
What would you like to do?
A: Insult the frog leader again with an even more devastating barb.
B: Tie the frog leader's arms and legs together, declaring victory.
C: Pat the frog leader on the back. Show him compassion.
"Frog, your words are full of hateful poison, but your tongue is full of invigorating poison. I challenge you to a round of combat. If I win, you all clear out of Squirrelopolis. If I lose... you can tongue me some more."
"We figured out you like the tongue stuff already, myeh," replies the frog. "You gave it a way by calling it 'invigorating,' see? If you lose, we kill you and your ugly pal."
You agree to the leader frog's terms. The two of you square off, circling one another. Staring each other down. The frogs chant, "Kill the wizard!" The squirrel chants, "Don't do that!"
What would you like to do?
A: Blow the frog leader up with a badass fireball.
B: Trash talk the frog leader. Get in his head.
C: Hop on the frog leader's back and ride him around.
You step in front of your squirrel friend and look these tree frog bullies in their admittedly cool glowing bright red eyes.
"Tongue me, frogs," you dare. "Tongue me all you want."
The frogs don't hesitate. They hit you with their sticky tongues. Over and over again. A thick layer of slime coats your face, hands, coat. There's frog slime dripping into your wizard boots. It's refreshing and rejuvenating. You would pay serious gold coin for this procedure, and you're getting it for free.
"Our squirrel tongue poison ain't working on this one," says the lead frog. "I think this freako likes the feeling of our warm, wet tongues?"
What would you like to do?
A: Convince the frogs you hate this, so they'll continue.
If you beat the lead frog and win, there's a chance of becoming their leader/god AND forcing them to continue tongue-bathing you. I challenge the lead frog to 1-on-1 combat!
Wizards go to sexy hot springs all the time. That's an average Thursday afternoon for a wizard. But you were told the lost city of Squirrelopolis was destroyed thousands of years ago! You'll be the first human to see it in recorded history. They might even have nut varieties you've never seen before. Using cool shrinking magic, you shrink to the size of a squirrel, then follow your new friend into a knot hole near the base of a deep red tree.
The tree hole leads to a dark tunnel. Walk in darkness. Walk in darkness. Walk in– Whoa, suddenly, a torch lights up! In front of you lies a few big, muscular tree frogs with harsh scowls.
"This is tree frog territory now, see?" says the lead frog in a leather vest. "Scram or get tongued."
What would you like to do?
A: Blast the frogs with a fireball.
B: Try to get more info from the frogs. Talk first, shoot later maybe?
C: Allow the frogs to tongue you, just to see what it feels like.
Well GOOP has always told me frog tonguing is good for a healthy regimen so I guess let's see if Ms. Paltrow has been telling the truth all these years
You offer the uggo squirrel a nut and now you're instant friends. Friendship is a lot easier for squirrels than adult humans! You two strike up a conversation in squirrelish. It turns out both of you love to climb trees and store various objects for winter. You feel bad for judging the squirrel's looks so harshly, but your kingdom is very appearance focused. Seems like you have some unlearning to do.
The squirrel asks how he can repay your nut-based kindness. He offers three options...
A: "Want me to turn off the cloaking machine for the nude hot springs?"
B: "Want me to introduce you to this kickass ogre I'm in a band with?"
C: "Want to join me in the tree and visit the lost tree city of Squirrelopolis?"
You make your way along the western path. As you walk, the sounds of attractive people giggling and splashing get louder. However, you see no sign of the hot springs. Just unattractive trees and one particularly ugly squirrel. It's possible the hot springs partiers are using a cloaking spell to block the hot springs from sight. (!)
What would you like to do?
A: Use counter-spell magic to break the cloaking spell.
You are a fun-loving wizard who’s ditching work. A noted scholar and fireball juggler, you’re supposed to be tutoring a young boy destined to be king. Instead, you’re wandering the Forest of Procrastination. On the dirt path, you come to a three-way fork in the road. There are wooden signs on a pole pointing different directions…
Thanks to all the players who participated in the first ever Adventure Snack Choose-A-Thon!
Together we raised $300 for Black Lives Matter (https://imgur.com/oFfzNbM) and visited the lost city of Squirrelopolis. You can read the entire story by starting at the bottom of the page and scrolling up.
If you have any thoughts on how today's game went, let me know right here. I'm tired but also WIRED!
{ 14 }
It’s been a strange day, full of emotions. What began as a quest to ditch your wizard job and spy on nude gelatinous cubes at the hot springs turned into a day of squirrel companionship, frog combat, frog ecstasy, and squirrel terrorizing. The pace is fast here in The Big Tree. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.
You run to Chestnut Park in the middle of Squirrelopolis and shout at the top of your lungs, “I love this town!”
Everybody is too busy to notice or care. They ignore you, except for one squirrel who mutters “tourist” under her breath. Unbelievable. You consider turning back into an owl to eat them all.
THE END
{ 13 }
"So... I terrorized the wrong squirrels... Huh... That's pretty chill of me... Uhhh...," you continue to stammer. In all your life as a wizard, you've never gotten this many dirty looks from squirrels. Though your wedding anniversary would be a close second.
With a few magic wing flaps, you create a thick and convenient fog for yourself. In the fog, you land on the ground and quietly transform yourself into a squirrel. The fog lifts and the squirrels are relieved the owl is gone. They go back to their ordinary lives. The teen squirrels convince themselves it was their nut throwing that saved the day.
Squirrelopolis is a vast epicenter of culture and nuts. Twinkling lights, adorable little homes, and a shop that sells quirky knick-knacks run by two retired squirrels. This is their second act.
Where would you like to go?
A: Check out the knick-knack shop for some knicks and knacks.
B: See if you can find the legendary room made of almonds.
C: Go to the middle of the city and scream, "I love this town!"
I'll pick the last choice and double everyone's donations. We're going with C!
{ 12 }
Now that you've scared the little bastards sufficiently, you fly to the middle of the tiny tree city and let your concerns be known.
"Here me, Squirrelopolis! Tremble as I screech! From this day forward, you shall not steal food from any human hippogriff feeders. Especially the one at Castle Moredank. The wizard who lives there is super chill and just wants to watch winged horse-birds flutter about the courtyard. Also, hippogriff food is poison to squirrels. Don't do it! Or else! Scraaaaaw–"
"These squirrels never leave the tree," your hard-featured squirrel pal yells from below. "You're scaring and lecturing the wrong squirrels!"
"Uhh...," you stammer in mid-air.
What would you like to do?
A: Leave ashamed through a hole at the top of the tree city.
B: Transform into a squirrel and attempt to casually blend in.
C: Continue ranting about squirrels. There's other stuff you don't like about them, too!
https://imgur.com/a/FERBrU1 B!
Thanks, Grant! Blending in should be SUPER easy right now.
{ 11 }
You didn't come to Squirrelopolis to make friends. Or peacefully write down notes about their lost civilization in a journal. Or all that crazy frog stuff from earlier. You're here to frighten these furry tailed rats, because they keep stealing seed out of your hippogriff feeder! Time to send a message.
With a puff and a blast and a KAZAP, you transform into an owl with a long beak and sharp talons! You glide into the city and squawk like a madbird. Squirrels run into their tree knot apartments and lock the doors. Mother squirrels on the tree streets cradle their crying squirrel children in their tails. A few squirrel teens in the alley behind a squirrel convenience store start tossing nuts in your direction.
What would you like to do?
A: Warn the squirrels to stop eating your damn hippogriff feed.
B: Eat a squirrel teen.
C: Transform back into a human and say this was all a prank.
(A) hippogriff feed just isn’t good for growing squirrel bodies. — https://imgur.com/a/l8tzj0X
Agreed, this is a squirrel health issue. Thanks, Eben!
{ 10 }
You stare intently as the frog ecstasy escalates. It's a mesmerizing scene. Nervous and impatient, your conventionally unattractive squirrel companion asks if you still want to go to Squirrelopolis. His reminder snaps you out of your momentary stupor. The two of you carefully walk around the passionate frogs. Their moans and slurps echo behind you, as you make your way through the tree tunnel.
The cold, dark tunnel twists and turns. You walk for many hours inside the giant tree. Finally, there are flashing lights up ahead. Squirrelopolis is at hand!
"Before we go in there," the squirrel warns, "You should probably use your powers to transform into a squirrel. Though we act tough, we're generally pretty skittish around humans. Even in your tiny form, you might freak some squirrels out."
What would you like to do?
A: Stay a human. They can handle your true form.
B: Transform into a squirrel. Blend in with the locals.
C: Transform into an owl and wreak havoc!
https://imgur.com/a/nhplDLl C- I didn't train at wizard school just to do what a squirrel tells me, but I am still painfully shy.
Haha, shyly attack the city, we shall. Thank you, TankertonLatch!
{ 9 }
You can insult these frog gangsters or blow them up all day long. In fact, you have spent entire days doing both those things to frogs. But what the world needs now is love. Sweet frog love. So you toss a powerful frog aphrodisiac powder into the air. The tree frogs try to resist the magic at first, but deep down, they've wanted to make out with on another for years. Now is their chance to end their war against the squirrels... and give into lust.
The 20 or so tree frogs pair off and gently, though feverishly kiss. The frogs' long, slimy squirrel poison tongues twist and intertwine. They stroke each other's red eyeballs with their suction cup hands. It doesn't feel as good as the kissing. In fact, it stings a lot! But you know. They're inexperienced. Learning. Longing. Exploring their viscous bodies.
What would you like to do?
A: Silently observe. See where this is going.
B: Carefully walk around the kissing frogs and visit Squirrelopolis.
C: Join in the make-out party.
B! https://imgur.com/a/5bZEEue
Thank you, Joey! As hot as these frogs are, we need to stay on task here.
Hmmm.... I would like to make the frogs kiss each other, please.
Alex is makin' the frogs smooch! You DM'd me your donation link, so the choice... is made...!
{ 8 }
Time to finish off the tree frog leader with an even more devastating insult. You create a dais out of thin air, then grab a few index cards from your pocket. As you strut to the dais, you talk into your wizard staff as if were a microphone, even though microphones don't exist in this medieval fantasy world.
"How're my frogs doing tonight?" you ask to frog applause and laughter. The crowd is eating this up. "How's our bunny doing? The little bunny baby? Haha, you're a good sport, Leader Frog. You know earlier, when you were all trying to tongue me to death with squirrel poison? Well, I didn't want to say anything, but somebody's tongue didn't even have poison in it. No poison whatsoever. And his name rhymes with... Weiner Flog."
The frog crowd is silent and confused.
"It's Leader Frog."
The tree frogs all break out into frantic, thunderous cheering. In the corner, Leader Frog has literally melted to the floor due to these sick burns. He taps the ground with his suction pad hands in defeat. He can't stand it anymore.
What would you like to do?
A: Tell the frogs to leave Squirrelopolis, so you can finally see it with thine own eyes.
B: Yell to the frog crowd, "Who's next?"
C: Make the frogs kiss each other using magic.
Alex Firer chose "C" – let the kissing begin!
{ 7 }
What burns worse than a fireball? Trash talk. Also, a fire blast could set the whole tree on fire, and that'd be a bummer for everyone. So you choose to challenge your opponent mentally. As a wizard who specializes in animal handling, you're well-versed in frog psychology. They are notoriously thick skinned and highly self-confident. You'll have to chip away at his psyche slowly over time with subtle disarming jabs...
Or use the one insult that always works.
"This asshole hops like a bunny," you tease. Every frog breaks out in hysterics and the frog leader is instantly humiliated. He cries like a baby bunny when the grass is too tough under their little baby tootsies.
What would you like to do?
A: Insult the frog leader again with an even more devastating barb.
B: Tie the frog leader's arms and legs together, declaring victory.
C: Pat the frog leader on the back. Show him compassion.
I think I did this right.
https://imgur.com/a/arnWJMw
I choose option A cause I’ve missed being a bard lately.
You did it perfectly! Thank you, Caity. We will ~roast~ this frog after I take a quick lunch break.
{ 6 }
"Frog, your words are full of hateful poison, but your tongue is full of invigorating poison. I challenge you to a round of combat. If I win, you all clear out of Squirrelopolis. If I lose... you can tongue me some more."
"We figured out you like the tongue stuff already, myeh," replies the frog. "You gave it a way by calling it 'invigorating,' see? If you lose, we kill you and your ugly pal."
You agree to the leader frog's terms. The two of you square off, circling one another. Staring each other down. The frogs chant, "Kill the wizard!" The squirrel chants, "Don't do that!"
What would you like to do?
A: Blow the frog leader up with a badass fireball.
B: Trash talk the frog leader. Get in his head.
C: Hop on the frog leader's back and ride him around.
I choose B! https://imgur.com/a/Anx1kRu
You chose wisely, Amanda! We're gonna trash talk a froooooooog!
{ 5 }
You step in front of your squirrel friend and look these tree frog bullies in their admittedly cool glowing bright red eyes.
"Tongue me, frogs," you dare. "Tongue me all you want."
The frogs don't hesitate. They hit you with their sticky tongues. Over and over again. A thick layer of slime coats your face, hands, coat. There's frog slime dripping into your wizard boots. It's refreshing and rejuvenating. You would pay serious gold coin for this procedure, and you're getting it for free.
"Our squirrel tongue poison ain't working on this one," says the lead frog. "I think this freako likes the feeling of our warm, wet tongues?"
What would you like to do?
A: Convince the frogs you hate this, so they'll continue.
B: Scare the frogs into worshipping you as a god.
C: Challenge the lead frog to 1-on-1 combat.
If you beat the lead frog and win, there's a chance of becoming their leader/god AND forcing them to continue tongue-bathing you. I challenge the lead frog to 1-on-1 combat!
Erik chooses action and excitement! And he DM'd me his donation link, so let's go fight that frog...
{ 4 }
Wizards go to sexy hot springs all the time. That's an average Thursday afternoon for a wizard. But you were told the lost city of Squirrelopolis was destroyed thousands of years ago! You'll be the first human to see it in recorded history. They might even have nut varieties you've never seen before. Using cool shrinking magic, you shrink to the size of a squirrel, then follow your new friend into a knot hole near the base of a deep red tree.
The tree hole leads to a dark tunnel. Walk in darkness. Walk in darkness. Walk in– Whoa, suddenly, a torch lights up! In front of you lies a few big, muscular tree frogs with harsh scowls.
"This is tree frog territory now, see?" says the lead frog in a leather vest. "Scram or get tongued."
What would you like to do?
A: Blast the frogs with a fireball.
B: Try to get more info from the frogs. Talk first, shoot later maybe?
C: Allow the frogs to tongue you, just to see what it feels like.
Well GOOP has always told me frog tonguing is good for a healthy regimen so I guess let's see if Ms. Paltrow has been telling the truth all these years
Thanks for donating, Mike! One frog tonguing, comin' right up!
{ 3 }
You offer the uggo squirrel a nut and now you're instant friends. Friendship is a lot easier for squirrels than adult humans! You two strike up a conversation in squirrelish. It turns out both of you love to climb trees and store various objects for winter. You feel bad for judging the squirrel's looks so harshly, but your kingdom is very appearance focused. Seems like you have some unlearning to do.
The squirrel asks how he can repay your nut-based kindness. He offers three options...
A: "Want me to turn off the cloaking machine for the nude hot springs?"
B: "Want me to introduce you to this kickass ogre I'm in a band with?"
C: "Want to join me in the tree and visit the lost tree city of Squirrelopolis?"
What would you like to do?
C! I want to see how that uggo lives.
Brian sent me the donation link in a DM. You got in first, so you get the choice!
Hmm look at a bunch of nude non wizards... or learn more about this band with members who are radically different sizes? I think I gotta go with B.
Brian got there first, but you get first dibs on the next one!
{ 2 }
You make your way along the western path. As you walk, the sounds of attractive people giggling and splashing get louder. However, you see no sign of the hot springs. Just unattractive trees and one particularly ugly squirrel. It's possible the hot springs partiers are using a cloaking spell to block the hot springs from sight. (!)
What would you like to do?
A: Use counter-spell magic to break the cloaking spell.
B: Shout "I'm not a wizard, let me in y'all!"
C: Befriend the homely squirrel.
C! Time to befriend that homely squirrel.
Thank you, Sam! And I see your donation link below, so let's go hang out with that butter-faced squirrel.
That's all I've ever wanted to do.
Nude hot springs no wizards!!!
Thank you for being our first player today, Mike! To the hot springs we shall go...
{ 1 }
You are a fun-loving wizard who’s ditching work. A noted scholar and fireball juggler, you’re supposed to be tutoring a young boy destined to be king. Instead, you’re wandering the Forest of Procrastination. On the dirt path, you come to a three-way fork in the road. There are wooden signs on a pole pointing different directions…
What would you like to do?
A: North Path – “Castle Ghostfight”
B: Northeast Path – “Traps ‘n Treasures Cave”
C: West Path – “Nude Hot Springs – No Wizards!”
https://imgur.com/vIjGQeB
Mike Levine chose "C." The story shall continue... in the hot springs...!