Beat Up a Warehouse Full of Goons

They kidnapped your parents! Gah!


My partner and I moved for the first time in 11 years. We love our new place, but moving is the absolute worst. Our move was 20 minutes away and somehow a nice lamp got broken in the journey. During the move, we had a lot of garbage and recycling, but our old place’s dumpster was too full and our new place’s trash bins were too small, so we delivered trash across the city in my car. Shout out to the MMA gym whose empty dumpster we happened to drive past!

Do you have any harrowing or hilarious moving anecdotes? Hit reply. Let’s commiserate!

You are a renegade martial arts master from the tough streets of Soft Meadows, an incorporated village near the ruthless city of Pillowsburgh. When your parents refused to pay the mafia protection money for their store, Little Ceramic Babies, they were kidnapped by mobsters. Luckily, you were upstairs in your makeshift dojo and teddy bear repair workshop when you heard the commotion. As the goons peeled away with your tied up parents, you hopped into your PT Cruiser and tailed them to a nearby warehouse.

Cautiously, you exit your car and head to the back of the warehouse, where you hope you won't be seen. Two goons are out back, having a smoke. You overhear their conversation.

"What happens to those geezers we snagged?" asked the tall, gangly goon. 

"The usual," replied the small, stubby goon. "They're in the upstairs office. Boss'll probably take a finger or two as payment. Make an example outta them. Man, this is a satisfying vape."

"I love vapes," the gangly goon agrees.

Fingers? Payments? Vapes? You won't let this stand. Your hands are deadly weapons. Time to use them.

To free your parents, you'll need to obliterate a whole mess of goons.

You have a health meter of 20. Once it hits 0, you're toast. So keep track of those health points.

Start at the outside of the warehouse, then work your way up to the boss' office.

START: Outside – Beat Up 2 Goons to Advance

First Floor – Beat Up 3 Goons to Advance

Second Floor – Beat Up 3 Goons to Advance

Third Floor – Beat Up 1 Goon to Advance


It’s a comic book! It’s a D&D adventure! It’s an excuse to leave your home! Storm your local comic store for Helm Greycastle #2 from Image Comics. The first part of the issue is a thrilling comic adventure set in the ancient world of the Aztecs. The second part is a tie-in D&D module you can play with your friends, designed by yours truly. Explore a deadly temple with a disturbing secret… if you dare. Here’s the alternate cover featuring Helm when you meet him in the module: drunk, alone, and waiting for your help to rescue a lost prince.


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Geoffrey Golden is a narrative designer for video games. He’s written for Capcom, Ubisoft, Square Enix, and indie studios around the world. Follow him @geoffreygolden on Twitter.