Convince a Robot to Buy You Beer
A space loitering adventure!
PROCESSING ADVENTURER GREETING!
The next Adventure Snack after this one will be in June. I’m taking May off for spring break, and by “spring break,” I mean the least relaxing thing you can imagine: moving. My partner and I are moving for the first time in 11 years. Same city, bigger place.
I made a big discovery while packing. I still have my laser tag card from middle school! Anyone wanna join me on the Red Team? Those Blue Team assholes think they’re so cool, just cause they’re in high school. I mean, they’re freshmen, who are arguably less cool than 8th graders.
You’re hanging out with your friends in the parking lot of 7-Eleven-38W6D4-X. It's a convenience port on a stopover asteroid for intergalactic travelers. All of you are extremely bored teen humanoids looking for a good time, because soon you'll have dead end jobs as tribble slaughterers and starship waterbed salesmen.
At 7-Eleven-38W6D4-X, they serve exotic, mind-altering drugs from across the galaxy, like bath slime, hololudes, and space cocaine. There are no age limits on any of them. But to buy Earth Beer – the only thing you and your friends want – you need to be over 21 with a Neutral Affiliation of Planets ID. You are 17 and have a Zero-G Mini-Golf membership card.
Luckily, a clunky silver android is waddling out of a ship and towards the spiraling door of the convenience port. You approach the harried robot...
"Hey, errand bot!" you explain. "I'm trying to buy Earth Beer, but I left my NAP ID at home. Could I transfer you the credits to buy me a 6-pack?"
"I am only programmed to perform errands for my user," he drones in a high monotone. "The captain is awaiting my swift return."
"It'll only take a second to transfer the credits. Don't you want to be helpful?"
"My prime directive is to be helpful, but this task would potentially violate my system protocols, not to mention the legal implications. I would need a passcode override in order to process..."
Ughhhhhh. The android is slowly and awkwardly turning away from you while explaining its internal logic out loud. To get that deliciously watered down ale, you're going to need to act fast.
What would you like to do?
If you'd like to guess the passcode, type your first name into this text-to-binary converter. Look at the first seven numbers.
MENTIONS & MINOTAURS
This is the part of the newsletter where I turn it over to you, the players. If you enjoy being turned over to, tweet with #AdventureSnack or @geoffreygolden.
Because that’s how they get you, Tavern318. That’s how they get you.
Packing extra clothes is for suckers. What good is an extra pair of chinos when you’re facing down a Class VII metaspectre? (Unless you pee your pants, I suppose.)
FIRST TIME HERE?
Adventure Snack is a game series I email to subscribers. Play Adventure Snack for free and turn your inbox into an adventure!
Geoffrey Golden is a narrative designer for video games. He’s written for Capcom, Ubisoft, Square Enix, and indie studios around the world. Follow him @geoffreygolden on Twitter. Game header art includes elements by Redshrike and Clint Bellanger on Open Game Art.