Don't Sit on EVIL Furniture

Pick the seat that won't kick your butt.

HAVE A SEAT, ADVENTURER!

I’m thinking about getting rid of my childhood computer chair. My mom got it for me at Staples when I was 13. This padded, brownish beige swivel chair with a full back supported my ass through all my professional successes and failures. I learned to use Hypercard on that chair. Hypercard, friends! Unfortunately, multiple cats have ripped the top to shreds, and it doesn’t support my lower back enough, and that suuuuuucks obviously. But I brought the chair from my hometown of Buffalo to Los Angeles. Does that make it family? Is my chair family?

Should I get rid of my childhood computer chair from Staples? Hit reply. I could use your advice. I’m currently sitting on a much nicer chair I have no history with.


You are a brave knight exploring the Cavern of the Vacationing Dragon. After twisting and turning through the legendary tunnels, avoiding spike traps, crushing boulders, and magical lava that looks like drinking water (deceptive!), you finally reach your destination: a room full of glittering treasure. Gold crowns, jewel-encrusted scepters, and rarest of all, plain salt. You can’t wait to add a little zing to your pigeon guts pie.

Running around all evening in chainmail is exhausting. Your feet are sore. Your lower back is killing you. You're feeling your age, a ripe old 29. It's time to take a well-deserved sit. But you've heard tales about this dangerous cave. Inside lurk monsters resembling furniture. They devour weary knights like yourself. If you put your butt on the wrong cushion, it could mean certain death.

You look around and spot a few places to park your rear for a spell...

Where would you like to sit?


SNACK ON TWITCH

Recently, I was a guest on the popular Twitch channel Hyper RPG. A long overdue WELCOME to all the new players joining us from Hyper! (To those who’ve never heard of it, but enjoy actual play RPGs, you should absolutely subscribe.)

Together with hosts Malika Lim and Zac Eubanks, we played Adventure Snack games for over two and a half hours! We did a lot of improvising on top of the games to flesh them out, and the audience gave us suggestions that made the games even more fun and challenging. All in all, it was an incredible, unforgettable experience. Here’s a link to the full video, including the part where all three of us do unforgivable French accents.

Malika told me she streams on average four hours a day. After two and a half I wanted to curl under a blanket and hibernate for months like a bear. Streamin’ ain’t easy, folks!


FIRST TIME HERE?

Adventure Snack is a game series I email to subscribers. Play Adventure Snack for free and turn your inbox into an adventure!

I’m a narrative designer for video games. Past writing clients include Capcom, Ubisoft, Square Enix, and indie studios around the world. Follow me @geoffreygolden on Twitter.