Live Free or Die Bard

Burst into song to battle some monsters!

You are a noble bard – armed with your trusty lute and angelic pipes – facing off against five giant angry spiders.

All the other members of your adventuring party are wrapped up in spider webs, hanging upside down from trees in this forest. You are all that stands between them and certain death.

To be fair, you don’t really know these guys that well. They met you in a local inn and seemed kind of arrogant. They hired you to “sing or whatever” while they slay goblins and steal their indigenous treasures. However, the contract you signed with the wizard states you would “make your best efforts” to protect the party in exactly this kind of scenario.

But how’s a dead wizard going to enforce a contract?

The spiders inch towards you, exposing their long fangs and drooling venom. The spider closest to you wiggles its butt… to loosen the silk it’s going to spray you with? That’s how spiders work, right? Anyway, these poisonous monsters will definitely kill you.

What will you do? (Click a link below.)

If you wish to sing a magical song at the spiders…

Open a music app on your phone or computer. Play your whole library on shuffle mode. 

BONUS: Forward this email to a friend. When you do, pick any song you like, rather than a random one. (And thanks for helping us find new players!)