Scrooge Your Own Adventure

Use your ghost powers on the biggest Christmas hater of all-time!

God bless us, everyone… but especially every subscriber to Adventure Snack, the email game that turns your inbox into a holiday adventure.

Today’s game will take you into the world of a Christmas classic. No, not the Star Wars Holiday Special, though I like the idea of playing as Space Bea Arthur teaming up with Lumpy the Wookie to beat up Emperor Palpatine. Disney, call me?

You are a ghost, which is way cooler than being alive, because you can time travel. Highlights of your year include placing bets on dinosaur fights, trying to explain the significance of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? to William Shakespeare, and blasting Facebook’s Drone Army with your laser cannon. However, as a time ghost, you’re obligated to help one asshole in December learn the true meaning of Christmas. Those are the rules.

Your ghost phone rings. It’s your old college buddy, Christmas Future. He doesn’t say anything – he’s more of a pointing-at-gravestones kind of guy – but his breathing sounds urgent. So you materialize to his current location: 19th century England, the home of Ebenezer Scrooge, a legend in the miser community. On the way there, you get peckish, so you devour half a boy-sized turkey.

When you arrive in Scrooge’s bedroom, Christmas Future gives you a big shrug. Scrooge is pacing around the room in a gray nightgown and cap ensemble. His feet are bare. Scrooge’s toenails are absolutely disgusting, but there’s another ghost who handles that.

“Spirits have shown me my past, present, and future,” Scrooge rambles. “It’s all a bunch of humbug to me, and by ‘humbug,’ I mean bullshit. I’m still not convinced that Christmas is good or that I should change my ways!”

What would you like to do?

If you wish to blast the true meaning of Christmas into Scrooge with magic…

Here’s a list of Christmas activities and holiday points. For every one of these activities you did last November-December, give yourself the assigned holiday points.

Listened to Christmas music on purpose. [+2]

Gave a thoughtful gift to a coworker, not just a Chili’s gift card. [+2]

Drank eggnog. [+1]

Put on a Santa costume to bring joy to a child. [+3]

Put on a Santa costume as part of a sex thing. [+3]

Watched The Santa Clause. [+1]

Watched The Santa Clause 2. [-2]

Watched The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. [+3]

Told a close friend or family member you love them. [+5]

Volunteered to help the less fortunate. [+10]

Got a Nintendo!!! [+2]

BONUS: Spread the holiday joy! Share this post using the button below to add +3 holiday points to your score. It also helps the game grow, which would mean a lot to me.