Set Sail on the Ghost Pirate Cruise

Yo ho, yo ho, it's pirate luxury!


A few weeks ago I attended the first virtual gathering of Substack fiction authors. It was a talk by The Novelleist author Elle Griffin, who also runs a Discord writer community. A bunch of us were chatting after the talk, and there was an idea that we’d all get together on a boat cruise someday. In the meantime, I put out an open call for Substack fiction writers to contribute to a boat-themed Adventure Snack game.

So this game is special, because all the endings were written by shining stars in the burgeoning Substack fiction scene: Elle Griffin, Mel Hattie (Blanket Fort), Jackie Dana (Story Cauldron), Mike V. (The Weirdy Word), Rachel Macaulay (The Links), and returning AS guest Ajinkya Goyal (Innocently Macabre). Enjoy your voyage!

You were worried about taking a cruise right now, but you've got major Zoom fatigue and the Groupon said to "act now." As you walk across the dock at midnight, up the retractable plank, and into the rickety wooden ship with cannons, you realize all your worries were justified. Yarrrr Cruises is staffed and run by ghost pirates on a phantom ship that appears in and out of existence to pillage unsuspecting vessels. Skeletons shake their sabres at you and wail like demons when you ask about the pizza station. You are less of a guest and more of a hostage.

On day four, you've had enough. You walk into Captain Smellbeard’s Quarters to complain about the lack of waterslides, bug-infested sleep hammocks, and terrible improv comedy. It's broad daylight and the captain’s not in his quarters. (The ghost pirates only appear at night to drink, dance, and murder.) However, you do see a map of the world, an ink quill, and a cute little ship toy in your current position in the Bermuda Triangle. You decide to draw a dotted line on the map to change the ship's course... and make your escape.

Where would you like to go?


In the minds of anti-vaxxers, Dr. Fauci is basically Dr. Wily, only instead of Robot Masters, he’s got secret Bill Gates microchips. Recently I was delighted to play a new 1 page RPG created by my good friend Asterios Kokkinos on his show The Loudest Podcast, where the players are red-blooded conservative vaccine holdouts in a post-apocalyptic nightmare world where… everyone is healthier? (Gasp!) In the game, I play a right-wing cartoonist who skewers “villainous vaxxers” with the greatest weapon of all: satire. He also throws bags of ink at people!


Adventure Snack is a game series I email to subscribers. Play Adventure Snack for free and turn your inbox into an adventure!

I’m a narrative designer for video games. Past writing clients include Capcom, Ubisoft, Square Enix, and indie studios around the world. Follow me @geoffreygolden on Twitter.