Your Phone Starts Working Post-Apocalypse

Swipe right just to survive.

THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT, ADVENTURER!

Today’s quest is all about cell phones, which gave rise to one of my favorite film tropes. Because what are the two most dreaded words in any movie? “No bars.” No calling for help. No texting a friend. No Domino’s Pizza Tracker! The cell phone signal coverage map of the United States in horror movies would be, like, six dots at most. Petition to put up a cell tower at Camp Crystal Lake!

📱 Which is better: iPhone or Android? Reply to this email and let me know what you think! I’ve used Apple products all my life, including this beige bad boy.

It’s been three years since the catastrophic event you call “The Great Uh-Oh.” In that time, you’ve been urban exploring in abandoned cities like this one. You walk down the empty streets, jotting down notes on your phone like, “I guess a JC Penney would look spooky after being abandoned for three years” and “Wow, those raccoons won’t let me anywhere near their grocery store dumpster!”

Your phone bings. It hasn’t done that in years. You look at the screen, astonished. There's a system update available. The internet is back?! You jump for joy, pumping your iPhone-clenching fist in the air! But after you land, you notice your phone dropped a bar. In a panic, you rush back to the exact spot you were in, but the lost bar remains lost. Unfair!

This internet connection could die at any moment. Will it last through an entire system update? But what if the system update is the key to reconnecting with human civilization? This could be the most significant thing you do in your entire life. No pressure.

What would you like to do?

• Text your mom.

• Play your favorite mobile game.

To install the system update, look at your phone. What is your cell phone’s current signal strength?

• 1 Bar or Less

• 2-3 Bars

• 4 Bars or More

MENTIONS & MINOTAURS

It’s been awhile since we opened up the ol’ Twitter mailbag. Let’s make up for lost time! Tweet with the #AdventureSnack hashtag and you may enter into these hallowed halls.

Max Cage @AverageMonkey

Subscribe to #AdventureSnack, trust me!

Geoffrey Golden @geoffreygolden

To win a copy of my #dnd5e module Target Run, sign up for my newsletter #AdventureSnack before 11:59 am PST tonight. Two lucky subscribers, chosen at random, will get the adventure for free! https://t.co/438aeiIthA

Trust Max Cage! For one, “Max Cage” is a total badass wrestler name.

Matt Rouse @mattrouse1

Take that Lord Pimpledump! This is how my #AdventureSnack ended:

adventuresnack.comYou Win with a Classic Arrow GagYou let go of the arrow. It soars through the air, blazing towards the target – and splits Lord Pimpledump’s arrow in two!The crowd cheers and you bow to your adoring public. Since you both lan

Great job, Matt! Rub your victory in Pimpledump’s gross face.

Jos Waller @JosWaller

This is how my #AdventureSnack ended: adventuresnack.com/?p=990 Purple Stripe ha (I would've taken a blue one too)🦋Good to find a friend even in spppaaaaacccceee, music jokes rule🐳

adventuresnack.comThe Alien Gave You a Rad LookYou go back inside your house and look in the hallway mirror. A bright purple stripe is running across your skull! Up close, you can see it’s a tiny flat tube with ooze pulsating through it.Your

Thanks for playing, Jos! [Randy Newman voice] 🎶 You’ve got a friend in space…

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Adventure Snack is a game series I email to subscribers. Play Adventure Snack for free and turn your inbox into an adventure!

I’m a narrative designer for video games. I’ve written for Capcom, Ubisoft, Square Enix, and indie studios around the world. Follow me @geoffreygolden on Twitter.