Intimidate Your Dognappers
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Intimidate Your Dognappers
Tell these lowlifes to go fetch themselves.
GOT MY RANSOM, ADVENTURER?
So I wrote today’s game about a bounty hunter who loses his dog, but it wasn’t until I started reviewing it this morning that I thought of Dog the Bounty Hunter. This whole game isn’t a meta-reference to Dog the Bounty Hunter, it just happens to be about bounty hunters and also one unlucky doggo. That said, feel free to imagine yourself as Dog the Bounty Hunter when playing! I can’t, won’t, and outright refuse to stop you.
You’re a bounty hunter on a risky mission: sleep in a hammock without destroying it. This is hammock number six, because you weigh so much (all muscle), the ropes on your hammocks keep snapping. But you love hammocks! After a long week chasing perps, pervs, and perks (AAA membership has more than a few), you just want to hang in the yard, take in the rays and split a Coors Light with your doberman, Rottweiler. Where is that dumb mutt of yours? She should be lying on your stomach, pushing this new hammock to the brink of collapse.
On the plastic patio table next to you, the cordless phone rings. You prefer landlines, because you don’t want Mamma Government watching you take a shit. When you snag the phone, three of the ropes instantly snap on the hammock. Damn it, you’re too strong!
“Uh huh, what?” you answer, a snarl in your voice.
“We have kidnapped your dog,” says the mechanical, altered voice. There’s terror in your eyes as you stand up from the hammock – snapping three more ropes – and look around. No Rottweiler to be found.
“Who is this?” you stammer.
“That is none of your concern. If you want to see your dog alive again, come alone to Drop Zone Park at 6 pm tomorrow with $7,000 cash. Leave it inside the tree with the word ‘Ransoms Please’ spray painted on it and await further instructions.”
These kidnappers are good. They know your one weakness is your dog, and not your family. But if they’re counting on you rolling over and playing dead, they can go bark themselves.
What would you like to do?
To strike fear into the hearts of the dognappers, how many dogs have you personally owned in your lifetime?
To outsmart the dognappers, how many dogs have you pet in the last month?
BONUS: Tweet your ending (by pressing the Twitter icon) and you can count family dogs, too. And thanks for helping us find new players!
MENTIONS & MINOTAURS
When y’all tweet with the hashtag #AdventureSnack (at @geoffreygolden), I take your wonderful words and store them right here, like cash in the ransom tree. Keep ‘em coming!
Thank you, Chelsea. Delightful and brilliant? You flatter me. And that’s terrific! I love being flattered!
Mmm… monster cube juice…
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Geoffrey Golden is a narrative designer for video games. He’s written for Capcom, Ubisoft, Square Enix, and indie studios around the world. Follow him @geoffreygolden on Twitter.
Part of the header was designed by Freepik.