Hack the Planet // Literally!

Will you transform the world or CTRL-ALT-DEL it?

GREETINGS, ADVENTURER.EXE!

I’m getting regular nights of sleep again. After what felt like the most anxious week / year / lifetime, things feel like they’re starting to settle back to– whoops, spoke too soon. The president decided to burn down the White House for the insurance money. Well, enjoy this game chock full o’ choices, which I built using the system behind the make your own rollercoaster game. Power to the players!


You are sitting on the sofa watching one of the Minions movies. It’s late. There’s an empty paper bag next to you that used to contain hard shell tacos, but now the tacos are gone. All you are left with are the memories of wolfing them down, and the guilt of not feeling like cleaning up. You’ve had a long day.

One of the Minions says “banana” in a funny voice. Then he turns directly to you, the viewer, and screams. A loud, piercing scream. The Minion won’t stop. None of your remotes work. You slowly, achingly get up and unplug the TV, but it won’t turn off. Another Minion has joined in, screaming at you with vacant, angry eyes.

You cover your ears and turn around. The sofa is glitching. It appears in the air briefly, then back on the ground. The sofa breaks in half and reconnects itself in seconds. Your instincts tell you to dig through the stack of bills and voter propaganda on your desk and find your wireless keyboard. It’s glowing. Not the individual keys, the whole keyboard.

You type “FIX SOFA.” Instantly, the sofa stops glitching. You type “MUTE TV.” The Minion shrieking blissfully ends. You type “RECEIVE MONEY.” There’s a buzz. You pickup your phone to see that you’ve received $50 from MASTER_CONSOLE.

Somehow, you’ve broken into the computer system that controls our entire reality. Not bad for a Wednesday.

What would you like to do?

Click the action. On the next page, complete the command.

> CREATE

> CONTROL

> HUG

> DESTROY

> INVERT


D&D + COMICS

My pal Henry Barajas, the terrific comics writer behind La Voz De M.A.Y.O. Tata Rambo, is bringing a very unique project to Kickstarter. It’s a combination comic book and D&D 5e adventure called Helm Greycastle. When the panels end, your journey begins. Take your friends into a fictional Mesoamerican world of deadly combat, dragon princes, and Aztec sorcery…

Click here to back this rad book. If Helm Greycastle reaches all their stretch goals, I’ll be designing the adventure for the second issue!


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Geoffrey Golden is a narrative designer for video games. He’s written for Capcom, Ubisoft, Square Enix, and indie studios around the world.