Adventure Snack

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Whoa, You Have a Jetpack!
adventuresnack.substack.com

Whoa, You Have a Jetpack!

How high will you fly?

Geoffrey Golden
Apr 30, 2020
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Wouldn’t it be nice to get away from the stupid ground for awhile? You’re in luck, adventurer, because today we’re taking to the skies! Look out, clouds: We’re coming for ya! But before we take off, be sure to fasten your safety harness and get future games directly in your inbox by subscribing.

A special thanks to amazing cartoonist Kenny Keil for our game’s header image. You’ll be seeing his art in Adventure Snacks to come. I recommend following him on Twitter, where he’s riffing on The Last Dance via Space Jam and imagines superheroes in starter jackets.

Your doorbell rings. You open the front door and a large cardboard box is outside. No need to bring it in. Who’s got the time? You whip out a pocket knife and slash the box apart to reveal… a jetpack!

Sleek black exterior. Two miniature turbojet engines. Handlebars with built-in computer systems for balance, navigation, and a round of aerial Snood. This thing is worth every penny of the $328,400 you had saved in your daughter’s college fund.

You secure yourself into the harness, stand up straight, and excitedly press the launch button. The jets thrust you into the air. Slowly at first, then very fast! It takes a bit of trial and error – you find yourself doing loop de loops in the air for a full eight minutes – but you finally stabilize at 20 feet off the ground. You can see the roof of your neighbor’s white Escalade in the driveway. He thinks his car is so cool, but one thing you’ve observed about that car: it can’t fly. Ha, what a sucker!

According to the jetpack infomercial, this baby can go as high as 15,000 feet. 20 feet is a lot less than 15,000… Hmm… HMM… HMMMMMMMMM!

To see how high you fly in your jetpack:

Take your height and add together the feet and inches as two separate numbers. (ex. If your height is 5’7” → 5 + 7 = 12.)

  • 5 or less, click here.

  • 6 to 9, click here.

  • 10 to 13, click here.

  • 14 or more, click here.

BONUS: Share this post with the button at the bottom of the email to add +3 to your score – and thanks for helping us find new players!

MENTIONS

Shout-outs to everyone on Twitter who shared recent Adventure Snack games, like @badfolklorist, @Koltreg, @MikeIsErnie, @ErinMFeldman, @amandonium, @cyberpilate, and @lentilstew. Here are a few of my favorite recent tweets about Adventure Snack games.

Twitter avatar for @MixtapeComicsRachel Dukes @MixtapeComics
The newest new #AdventureSnack game was a particularly sunny delight.
Steal My SunshardYou are a thief. Get rich by defrauding a wizard!adventuresnack.substack.com

April 18th 2020

2 Retweets5 Likes

Thank you, Rachel! In the illustration, the wizard is holding a crystal made of pure Sunny Delight. It’s the only way to defend against Purple Stuff acid attacks.

Twitter avatar for @bizmichaelAS THEY PROCEED @bizmichael
This is better than that part in transformers where Anthony Hopkins casually mentions that Shia Lebouf’s character is dead.

Geoffrey Golden @geoffreygolden

Introducing DINOSWORDS™: Masters of Champions! Discover a magic sword enchanted by a caveman magician and become a mutant dinosaur teen in a brand new #AdventureSnack game: https://t.co/X3Giy9n8K1 https://t.co/e5vHqrcBtK

February 27th 2020

3 Retweets7 Likes

I finally watched the scene, and given how absolutely bonkers it is, I take this as the highest compliment.

Twitter avatar for @TankertonLatchTankerton Latch @TankertonLatch
This is how my #AdventureSnack ended:
adventuresnack.com/?p=293 Utahrapper,™ we hardly knew ye!OR IS IT? – Adventure Snackadventuresnack.com

February 28th 2020

1 Like

A clarification: Utahrapper™ passed out, but don't worry, he's not officially dead! (Until his toy stops selling, then he's triple dead.)

Twitter avatar for @psibreaker👁‍🗨 Simon Brake @psibreaker
Bored? Why not help yourself to a slice of Adventure Snack? You Are a Floating Pizza by @geoffreygolden
You Are a Floating PizzaYour new quest is hot-n-ready!adventuresnack.substack.com

March 19th 2020

1 Like

When pizza’s in a game form, you can play pizza anytime!

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