Books SUCK!

Can you escape a magical portal into homework?

Books are a gateway to unlocking your imagination, adventurers! That’s what makes them so incredibly dangerous. Your assignment for today is to survive a deadly dose of book learning, and to subscribe to Adventure Snack to get games delivered to your inbox:

Haven’t been receiving a new game every two weeks? Be sure to drag Adventure Snack emails that end up in the spam folder or “Promotions” tab back into your inbox to learn Google a thing or two.

Your book report is due tomorrow and you haven’t read a single page of Where The Red Fern Grows. It’s 10:03 pm, according to the sweet Deadpool “Chimichanga Time!” wall clock in your bedroom. The book looks boring, your teacher is boring, and the lectures you get from your parents? They’re not just boring, they’re actually mega boring. Boring, boring, boring. Boring, as in, not interesting!

“More like where the red fern BLOWS #lol #FML #MiddleSchoolSux #sponcon,” you post to your 8 followers on Instagram. 

As you nod off at your desk, you utter to yourself, “Why can’t reading be interesting? Interesting, as in, not boring?” Just then, the dusty hardcover on your desk begins to shake. You snap awake as the book bursts open to reveal a glowing portal! The gushing winds in your bedroom pull you towards the spinning portal, ready to take you on an exciting adventure into a world of fantasy.

“Hell no!” you scream. “I don’t want to enter the world of Where The Red Fern Glows. Why can’t I go into Maze Runner? Or Percy Jackson? Or a time-honored classic from the literary canon, like Twilight? Anything written in this century, the one I was born in. I’ve gotta fight this portaaaaaaaaaal!”

What would you like to do?

To fight the portal, how many books have you read in the last year?

BONUS: Forward this game to a friend. When you do, every Adventure Snack game you’ve played this year counts as a “book.” In fact, they count as “fine literature.”

Mentions & Minotaurs

Brian is the best! If you want to read a hilarious new book that’s not about beloved dogs dying, check out his novel Great Men of Science.

Gamemaster Sean, your tweet is like 3-point legend Mark Price. It’s seriously underrated.

These are my partner’s Top 5 snacks. She has impeccable taste in my writing!

Tweet me your Top 5. Tag me @geoffreygolden. I wanna know!

If you want to play Luke Herr’s Adventure Snack games, you’ve got plenty of options: Genie of the Duck Pond, Hold Your Horses, and/or play the next new game in your inbox.