Adventure Snack

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Books SUCK!

adventuresnack.substack.com

Books SUCK!

Can you escape a magical portal into homework?

Geoffrey Golden
Sep 3, 2020
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Share this post

Books SUCK!

adventuresnack.substack.com

Books are a gateway to unlocking your imagination, adventurers! That’s what makes them so incredibly dangerous. Your assignment for today is to survive a deadly dose of book learning, and to subscribe to Adventure Snack to get games delivered to your inbox:

Haven’t been receiving a new game every two weeks? Be sure to drag Adventure Snack emails that end up in the spam folder or “Promotions” tab back into your inbox to learn Google a thing or two.

Your book report is due tomorrow and you haven’t read a single page of Where The Red Fern Grows. It’s 10:03 pm, according to the sweet Deadpool “Chimichanga Time!” wall clock in your bedroom. The book looks boring, your teacher is boring, and the lectures you get from your parents? They’re not just boring, they’re actually mega boring. Boring, boring, boring. Boring, as in, not interesting!

“More like where the red fern BLOWS #lol #FML #MiddleSchoolSux #sponcon,” you post to your 8 followers on Instagram. 

As you nod off at your desk, you utter to yourself, “Why can’t reading be interesting? Interesting, as in, not boring?” Just then, the dusty hardcover on your desk begins to shake. You snap awake as the book bursts open to reveal a glowing portal! The gushing winds in your bedroom pull you towards the spinning portal, ready to take you on an exciting adventure into a world of fantasy.

“Hell no!” you scream. “I don’t want to enter the world of Where The Red Fern Glows. Why can’t I go into Maze Runner? Or Percy Jackson? Or a time-honored classic from the literary canon, like Twilight? Anything written in this century, the one I was born in. I’ve gotta fight this portaaaaaaaaaal!”

What would you like to do?

  • Grab the doorknob and hold on!

  • Grab your Nintendo Switch.

To fight the portal, how many books have you read in the last year?

  • 7 or less books, click here.

  • 8 to 11 books, click here.

  • 12 or more books, click here.

BONUS: Forward this game to a friend. When you do, every Adventure Snack game you’ve played this year counts as a “book.” In fact, they count as “fine literature.”

Mentions & Minotaurs

Twitter avatar for @brianbooone
Brian Boone @brianbooone
The best days are Adventure Snack days. Like and subscribe, people.
Twitter avatar for @geoffreygolden
Geoffrey Golden @geoffreygolden
WANTED: Rollercoaster Designers. Must be "da bomb" at corkscrews and "jiggy" about loops. Apply here: https://t.co/pKAcTRDX4v #AdventureSnack #InteractiveFiction https://t.co/kJ96L2qXkJ
10:25 PM ∙ Aug 18, 2020
6Likes1Retweet

Brian is the best! If you want to read a hilarious new book that’s not about beloved dogs dying, check out his novel Great Men of Science.

Twitter avatar for @McGurrGM
Gamemaster Sean @McGurrGM
This was a blast. Somehow I got my favorite NBA player @Mark25Price in my outcome as well! Fantastic. Thanks @geoffreygolden
Twitter avatar for @geoffreygolden
Geoffrey Golden @geoffreygolden
WANTED: Rollercoaster Designers. Must be "da bomb" at corkscrews and "jiggy" about loops. Apply here: https://t.co/pKAcTRDX4v #AdventureSnack #InteractiveFiction https://t.co/kJ96L2qXkJ
6:03 PM ∙ Aug 18, 2020

Gamemaster Sean, your tweet is like 3-point legend Mark Price. It’s seriously underrated.

Twitter avatar for @amandonium
Acabda Meadows @amandonium
@geoffreygolden My top 5 in no particular order... You are the President’s Cat Your Godbox Needs More Space! Create y/o 90s Rollercoaster Genie of the Duck Pond Baby Shoes - You Decide!
6:33 PM ∙ Aug 18, 2020

These are my partner’s Top 5 snacks. She has impeccable taste in my writing!

Tweet me your Top 5. Tag me @geoffreygolden. I wanna know!

Twitter avatar for @Koltreg
Luke @Koltreg
@amandonium Nothing like a Tuesday snack with lots of options
6:16 PM ∙ Aug 18, 2020

If you want to play Luke Herr’s Adventure Snack games, you’ve got plenty of options: Genie of the Duck Pond, Hold Your Horses, and/or play the next new game in your inbox.

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