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I think the cool answer is Excalibur, because it's not owned by a giant multinational super conglomerate. But the kid in me wants to hear the "whoosh" noises of a lightsaber moving back and forth. So I'll take Yoda's refreshing, lime green lightsaber.

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Jan 11, 2022Liked by Geoffrey Golden

Dude that Hippogriff ate my hand so quickly lol. At least its horse genitals weren't involved!!

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The creature pulled off a... hippo-grift. 😎

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Smh…

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Your funniest one yet.

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Thanks, Henry! Which one: Sword or Wordle?

(The comments button on Wordle accidentally sends folks here.)

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I escaped merely lacking a hand. Huzzah!

As for swords, real swords are heavy and hard as hell to use. I'd take a lightsaber any time, as long as they don't take too long to charge.

As for the holidays, I got a wheelbarrow. It might not sound exciting but it will allow me to carry hundreds of pounds all the way from my garage to my yard.

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You escaped with half of your hands! Hooray! (I’m a glass-half-full kinda guy.)

Apparently lightsabers do need to charge, but only every 50-100 years, depending on quality. So I think you made the right choice.

https://may4bewithyou.com/do-lightsabers-run-out-of-energy/#:~:text=Due%20to%20the%20nature%20of,anywhere%20from%2050%2D100%20years.

A wheelbarrow is a useful gift! I’m imagining it wrapped without a box, so it’s really obvious it was a wheelbarrow, but you still acted surprised for the sake of the gift giver.

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The wheel barrel came unassembled, and the handles were wrapped. (The rest was stashed nearby.)

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Wheelbarrows: Some Assembly Required!

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Jan 11, 2022Liked by Geoffrey Golden

Bird stole my sword...

The Excalibur, if only because I rather don't deal with the responsibility that a lightsaber means (and really, there's no way I would fuck up the UK if I became king)

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You'd be a great King of England. Let's make that happen!

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Had to return to get my money back! How embarrassing!

What the hell was I thinking with 9 feet? I do not have the height or upper body strength for that. Maybe there’s a sale on nunchucks…

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Pretty much any of your standard Ninja Turtle weapons are going to be a better fit.

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Jan 11, 2022Liked by Geoffrey Golden

Definitely lightsabers for me. But isn’t Excalibur like… magic, or something? That would make it indestructible… but so is a lightsaber blade. It’s the classic unstoppable Force (pun intended) vs immovable object

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Haha, I love that classic juxtaposition. Yes, I believe Excalibur is magical. The sword is supposed to be unbreakable and the holder won't die from blood loss while wielding it. But it's super picky about who gets to pull it from a stone, whereas you can make a lightsaber in a theme park for $219.99 plus tax.

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I'm pretty sure the whole point of a lightsaber is magic too. 😃

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Jan 11, 2022Liked by Geoffrey Golden

I definitely wonder what the hippogriff is going to do with such a big sword and is this a common occurrence? And if so- how long until warranties and insurance carve out 'snatched: hippogriff' from their policies.

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The other endings reveal the hippogriff's feelings about the sword. That said, as soon as you return the sword, the insurance gets a carve out. Like, within the hour.

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Jan 11, 2022Liked by Geoffrey Golden

Roof damage from hippogriff droppings also seems like something they would try not to cover.

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Medical coverage for hippogriff bitings. Pretty much all hippogriff related accidents are off-the-table.

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Oh, I’d look through the ICD10 code catalog. There’s a diagnosis code for dolphin bites. I’m pretty sure it’s there.

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Jan 11, 2022Liked by Geoffrey Golden

this is the very thing to discover today

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If you clicked the comment button on the Wordleverse game and it led you here, sorry! That's a bug.

Here's the link to Wordleverse's Table Talk: https://adventuresnack.substack.com/p/unleash-the-wordleverse/comments

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